The sliding doors at the back were open, after the rain, with cool and fluorescent smelling air, flush with the delta breeze filling the family room. The brisk flow of air could almost trick the conscious to believe we were not trapped inside, hadn’t been trapped inside for the last five months. Despite the coolness of the air, it was tart, tense, and filled with waiting.
“You should apologize to me. You were incredibly rude.”
“I don’t think saying, ‘you have been snoring quite loudly of late’, is being rude. I think it is just providing information.
“Did you need to do it at the dinner table?”
“There is no one else here with us.”
“But someone could be and you just blurted it out without a second thought. You are belittling me. You know my sleep matters to me. Besides, you didn’t even take a shower yesterday, so who are you to talk?”
“What the hell are you talking about? What does my taking a shower have to do with saying your snoring is lumbermill loud?”
“Oh, so now my snoring isn’t just louder, it is cacophonous. Maybe it is your smell causing my nose to be stuffed, which makes me snore like some drunken fool. What do you have to say to that?”
“I think I have zero to say in response. Although, it did feel rather pointed, that bit about the drunken fool, and the way you looked at ME.”
“Well, as you so self-righteously pointed out there isn’t anybody else in the house, so who else would I look at when talking. I wasn’t talking to the stuffed animals, after all.”
“Maybe you should talk with piglet, he is obviously better company than me, isn’t he?”
“Well, now that you mention it…”
“See, you have turned this all very personal, when all I was trying to do was provide you with information that could have an impact on your health. You know snoring could be a sign of sleep apnea, and that’s not a good thing; particularly now-a-days.”
“Now-a whats? Listen, asshole, I do not have sleep apnea. I HAVE A STUFFY NOSE from how bad you smell these days, so don’t go all medical doctor on me with nothing but a bachelor’s degree.”
“Oh, now I’m not educated enough for you Ms. Master’s in urban guerilla warfare or whatever, from some progressive college in the seventies.
“Fuck off, you undereducated snob. You think you are some man-of-the-people at the same time you pontificate about the latest article you read in the Atlantic or some snobbish conservative magazine. You are probably some kind of closet Trump supporter”
“Hold on one fucking minute, you ultra-liberal member of ANTIFA. You think you are such a caring woman always tending to someone else’s need - with only a hint of martyrdom about it. Don’t you remember ‘it’s not what you do when everyone is watching, it’s what you do when no one is watching, which is the true measure of one’s altruism. You seem to want to make sure everyone knows all your good deeds. Looking for another Community Woman of the Year award, are we?”
“I knew you were always jealous of my award. You pretend to be supportive but you are mad that people didn’t give you anything. Except you don’t DOOO anything. Apparently, not even shower these days. Do you think quarantine is a license to get more disgusting – eating whatever shit fills your maw that has ample fat or grease.”
“Wait just one fucking minute, oh ye of the Covid 19 19, you should talk.”
“Oh, now you want to complain about my weight along with my snoring. You are such a son-of-a-bitch, you know that? Don’t you?”
“Look, just forget what I said. Please. I love you. You are my forever baby. Just forget what I said. I really am not having any trouble sleeping through all the noise. I was just worried. C’mon honey, let’s go for a walk. After, we can come home and shower. Maybe wash each other’s backs and other things, you know.”
“Okay, I’ll go for the walk, but as for the rest of it, don’t get any ideas. You don’t get forgiveness that fast, you shit.”
“Okay, Let’s go.”